gooses

I can't get something out of my mind tonight. It hurts my heart, my stomach and fills my throat with a lump.

And I know, I know.

It's only one incident.
I'm making more out of it than I should.
I'm more upset than she is.
They're only kids.
She's come so far and will only continue to improve.

I know.
And yet.

It's pretty simple. Violet's amazing ABA, Kristen, came for a session today, and Vi's cousins and Oliver were there. Kristen started a game of Duck, Duck, Goose, which Violet loves playing.

Four kids and Kristen playing with me peeking around the corner, watching the kids play and the joy in my girl's face. Trevor "gooses" Oliver, Oliver "gooses" Ruby, Ruby "gooses" Trevor.

See where this is going?

No one gooses Violet. No one.

My heart is breaking watching. But, damn, if her little face isn't full of glee, giggling at her brother chasing Ruby, clapping when someone makes it around the circle.
Damn.

After TEN ROUNDS of Violet not being picked, I plop myself in the circle.
Not that anyone wants to pick me either.

I finally whisper to Ollie, "Buddy, goose Violet!".
He does.

Does this make me as a helicopter mom? I'm not entirely sure that I care. At least right now.

I wish I had a witty, strong end to this little post, but I don't. I'm just sitting in it.
Writing about it.
Hoping that a year or two from now, and I can look back on this post and see big changes.

See my girl not as an outsider.
But still gleeful and giggling.

In the meantime, damn, it's hard.

almost spring!