snapshot

a moment in our day, one of many.

At Sesame Place, where we're Season Pass Members. Violet loves the carousel.

I've come equipped with my requisite "special needs wristband" , something I really resisted at first, but have succumbed to, and in all honesty, has saved us many a tantrum here. It lets us bypass the line for the carousel as well as stay ON the carousel as long as Violet wants. Also Ben and I have realized that if we're considering doing an activity with Violet that can't be extended, repeated, rewound or otherwise revisited, don't, since the meltdown afterwords is FAR from worth it. She'll get it someday, but not now.

Anyhow, Violet and I head to the exit of the carousel, where special needs riders can hop on quickly, and I show the attendant my wristband. Unfortunately, we've arrived just as the ride is about to begin, so we still need to wait. Violet doesn't get it, doesn't understand why she can't get on the carousel, and why it's starting without us.

Shrieking and crying ensues.

I try to calm her as the other parents and kids stare. I can imagine their thoughts, but I've learned to turn them off. I pick my girl up and she thrashes, cracking her little head into my cheekbone. My eyes sting with tears of pain and frustration. I keep murmuring our "code phases" :
Almost time!
Our turn!
You have to wait.
It's okay!

She's still sobbing and writhing as the carousel finally slows. She doesn't stop until the exit gate opens and the kids pour our slowly. I rudely push myself past them to get Violet on a horse (I can turn off these stares and comments too). She chooses a zebra-striped horse in the middle. She climbs on, grabbing the horse-zebra's ears. I take a few deep breaths as the ride starts, rubbing my girl's back to calm her as well.
Suddenly, as the music plays, she looks me in the eyes and sings, loudly,

"I CAN BE YOUR HORSE! LA LA LA! I CAN BE YOUR HORSE!".

She's made the song up, and she's smiling. I smile too, and sing along. Cheekbone, tears and wristband forgotten for now.

We ride the carousel five times in a row.