retreat and reemerge

ugh...I am so sorry for my tentativeness on this blog. After the Sh*ttiest Easter In History (renamed Sheaster in our house), with endless tantrums by Violet, and a small Mama-breakdown as well, I impulsively pulled the Autism posts from the blog. It's so, so difficult to chronicle this journey we're on with Violet, and I still have such mixed feelings about sharing it with the world. I felt like we hit a wall on Easter, and I just couldn't write about it. I feel like I'm generally a pretty upbeat, blessings-oriented person, and I simply couldn't find anything positive to blog about.

Then we got over the hump.

Our amazing occupational therapist, Kristy, told me that, many times, behaviors increase substantially just before they stop.
Violet started saying "I want....", and repeating long sentences. Suddenly.
Violet said "I love you" to me one day, randomly, in the car (can you belive I didn't crash the car after that one?).
We were able to leave the house without V wearing her brother's winter knit hat one day. And then a few more days.
Ben and I got a few real hugs- not just "I'll stand here and allow you to hug me".
We overheard a few thrilling conversations between Oliver and Violet ("Mama! Sissy say my name!!").

I've told two people about Violet so far that I really, really regret. I've bitten my tongue very hard in a few very annoying conversations. I've stopped myself from saying nasty words to an inconsiderate, unintelligent person once.

However, I've made two really great friends with Autistic kids that make me feel normal and strong at the same time. We have eight GREAT therapists that think Violet is really special and smart, and are great at including Ollie (okay, we have seven GREAT therapists, and one's who just okay....but still). I am blessed enough to be able to call my husband on the phone and when I tell him that Violet said "See you later alligator!", he will smile as big as I'm smiling. I'm lucky enough to have a family that knows to put the gate on the stairs, hide the baby ducks and have "Little Bear" cued up on the DVR when we come over to visit. I'm fortunate enough to have a little girl who lives on block, who Violet adores, that asks me how to talk with Violet to keep her comfortable. Violet and I are BOTH blessed enough to have Ollie, who is quickly becoming a helper to her- bringing her a stuffed animal when she gets upset, and sharing as no other 2-year-old has been asked to share....

finally, I found this letter, which is awesome and gives me hope.

thanks for reading.