fitting

I had a bit of a first last week, and have been looking forward to blogging about it, in hopes that maybe I can decide how I feel about it. Quite possibly the worst-written opening blog line ever, but there it is.

Violet has suddenly turned a bit girly-girl on us. She's still totally an animal-loving, rough and tumble, the-dirtier-the-better kid, but has started demanding preferring to wear dresses every day. And not just any dress, but particular dresses- the longer/frillier/silkier the better. It's completely adorable. Along with this has come a love of tutus and ballet. She started trying to do "plies" and the different ballet positions, and prances around with any sort of classical music (again, completely adorable). So, Ben and I decided to sign her up for a preschool ballet class. We found this LivingSocial (have you seen this website? It offers deals from everything from classes to dinners to vacations) for four beginner ballet classes at a place near us in the city. I bought it, thinking it was the perfect way for V to try it out.

I called to set up her first class. The woman on the phone was young and kind. Everything seemed set until I pulled out my go-to line towards the end of the call.

"I need to tell you, too, that Violet has some developmental delays. They are mostly social and sensory in nature, and she has a wonderful aide that will come into the class with her, with your approval. The aide will be completely in the background unless she's needed."

Yep, I never say the word 'autism'. At least not at first. Totally lame, I know, but I need people to hear my words and I know that the moment they hear the word 'autism', they won't hear anything else I say and will most likely picture a small, female Rain Man in their class.

The ballet woman hemmed and hawed, and I sat silent, letting her figure out what she would say to me. Finally she stammered out that she'd have to have the head of the school call me back.

I guess I knew then...kind of like the opposite of the old Groucho Marx saying about him not wanting to join a club that would have him as a member? I could never be a part of anything that would hesitate for a moment in including my daughter.

But I held out, contemplating. I felt like these classes would be so good for her, and she'd never know about the conversation I'd had with the teachers. The head of the school called back the next day and left me a fairly long message telling me how they wouldn't let any other adults in the room, but Violet was welcome to come in alone. I'm pretty sure the only thing I can imagine harder than having Violet try ballet with an aide and having a massive meltdown is Violet being alone in the room, having a massive meltdown and then me berating myself for not insisting on the aide.

I talked about it a lot with Ben. "That's discrimination!" he insisted. Is it? I think so. But, do you want to force a child (or any other 'different' person) into a typical situation where people aren't comfortable dealing with them? And then again, if you don't force it, who will ever teach others about inclusion?

To sum it up,
I never called the school back.

I called LivingSocial to explain to them what happened and ask for my money back.

I signed my ballerina up for classes at the YMCA. Out of our budget, but it needed to happen.

Two awesome things came out of it:

1. Violet is having a *wonderful* time....

eat your heart out, fancy ballet school.

2. someone heard me:

flower cookies! Ok, it's not inclusion, but I really didn't even think anyone would hear my voice mail.