LOVE

I continue to start posts on here and then "save as draft". I have five half-finished posts waiting to be published since my last entry.
One was a huge rant about how difficult it is to have a child with the stomach flu who has no clue what's going on, and she's screaming "NO!" because she's so afraid of throwing up.
One was a cloying attempt to look at all the bright and lovely things that had happened over the holidays despite It All.
One was an emotional pouring out over this book; so very heart-wrenching.

But, obviously I hit "publish" for none of them. It just never felt right. Good to type out, perhaps, but just not to be remembered.

So here I am, first post of 2011. So many beautiful moments ahead of us and yet new frightening moments happening constantly as well. Does it all balance out? Can Violet's new habit of clawing at her face (horrifying) when she's frustrated be tempered by her and Oliver singing "We wish you a Merry Christmas" at the top of their lungs while sitting on the front porch? I don't know.
I DO know it sure helps me a lot; helps me to put everything into perspective. A little (or big) front porch duet fills me with a huge amount of joy and hope. I grab Ben's hand and we both feel so blessed in moments like that. I believe it catapults me a bit so that I'm able to remain somewhat calm as I firmly push my girl's hands down off of her face and kiss her scratched up cheeks.

So, we'll take the pain and hope for as much beauty as possible.
happy new year to all....