therapies

Therapy is a constant conundrum for me. I fight for more, always fear Violet hasn't enough happening. At the same time, I dread it and feel completely bogged down by it.
I'm not sure if it's
a. me
b. having twins, both of whom are pretty demanding or
c. the norm, but
I'm feeling like a prisoner in my own home.

Right now, V has 15 hours of ABA a week (Lovaas, see sidebar), two hours of speech therapy (one at CHOP, one with Early Intervention), and three hours of occupational therapy (two at CHOP, one of those in the pool, and the other with EI). The Early Intervention is the hardest- on good days, it feels like I have a confused babysitter here (only I can't leave). In their defense, they are probably good at what they do- help school aged children talk appropriately or deal with sensory issues, but definitely not skilled with autistic three-year-olds.
I love the CHOP therapists. Love. They have been with V the longest, and she adores them too. The only tough part there is we go twice a week, have to look and pay for parking twice a week with a rambunctious toddler, chase V around the waiting room twice a week, etc.. Find a babysitter for Ollie twice a week, who wonders why Violet gets to go in the car with Mama, and not him ("I go doctors too, Mama!").
Just tiresome, especially when I imagine us doing this for the rest of our lives.
Then there's Lovaas. I fought, and continue to fight to keep them. The county prefers to lump all autistic kids 3+ years into one big autism pre-school, regardless of level of functioning, ability or diagnosis. Lovaas costs them money. It's working beautifully for our girl, and we now get 15 hours a week at home. They come two times a day, two hours at a time for 15-16 hours total a week.
Thus, the prisoner in my own home.

And, as I touched on before, Oliver is definitely feeling the effects of all this therapy. I know he wonders why 5 different people come to our house and play games with "Sissy" and not him. I know he's picking up on us giving Violet "fake time outs" when she hurts him. And, the worst, is when he tries to communicate with her; usually she's lost in a Little Bear dialogue, and Ollie tries to respond to her.
V: "Mother Bear!! Look at the moose!"
O: "There's no moose, sissy..."
V: "Let's play leap frog! Cat, hen, owl"
O: "Yay! Let's play!"
V : "I see a tree!"
O: "I want leap frog!"

and on and on...it's like a never-ending reenactment of the old Abbott and Costello sketch, "Who's on first"...
Of course, we're just grateful that there's a type of communication going on, where he understands her and she tolerates him.

Anyhow- back to the therapy.
How do I know when it's enough?
Isn't it ok to sometimes just let her be in her own happy world? Or just run errands with me and Ollie? Or just go on a playdate without a therapist there?
When does a regression take place?
What is too much?
Does it all have to be trial and error?

As I write, I've cancelled today's therapies. We spent the morning going to the post office, the video store and the library. It was great. We saw an inchworm on the ground outside of the post office and spent 15 minutes watching him crawl. The kids are now napping, and I want to let them nap, instead of waking them for therapy. I want to clean my house, blog, do two loads of laundry and scrub my kitchen floor.
I can't help but think, in the long run, that all the above will help Violet, in some way, stay/become/learn to be "typical"?