special

It's been hard to update lately with anything substantial, mostly because no one seems to nap anymore, and I am unable to speak any two-syllable words after the twins fall asleep.


There are so many cute little things and crazy occurrences that happen throughout the day that I want to blog about. Conversely, there are so many huge, almost philosophical and existential things about autism that run through my brain that I want to capture as well. I've got to start writing more so I can get it ALL down.




So the big stuff first, while I still have many syllables available.




Obviously, having a daughter with autism is really, really hard. The hardest thing I've ever had to work through/figure out/handle/accept. It used to be having two colicky, demanding baby twins, and before that it was my father's death at a young age.



But, and I say this next part slowly and cautiously,

I've started to see beautiful things in her autism.

And by beautiful, I mean things-unnoticeable-to-the-average-person-but-so-moving-to-me-it-brings-tears-to-my-eyes.



Full disclosure: I've always thought that parents that claimed the special needs their children have are "gifts" were liars. I mean, sure say that. It's not like you'll ever actually be presented with the opportunity to make them typical, so if it helps you get through your day, go for it. But in the past week or so, I think I may have seen a little glimmer of it myself.



Beautiful moment #1:

Violet and I had a wonderful day out together recently. I took her to CHOP for therapy, and, since my mom had Ollie, I took her to the store, and then we went to Baja Fresh to split a cheese quesadilla for lunch (me and my girl both like our carbs and dairy!). While you wait here for your order, they give you a bowl of tortilla chips. I offered a few to Violet, since she seemed interested, and she took them. I figured she'd try them and spit them out (and really, Ollie would have done the same), but she looked at them, and then looked around. She got climbed down off of her chair and went over to these two businessmen having lunch, examined their table most seriously and put the chips into one of the men's bowls.

They laughed right out loud. I did too.

I love that my girl surprises me. I love that, in her world, the chips had a place to go. I love that the businessmen thought she was funny.



Beautiful moment #2:

While shopping at the craft store for fun party favors I'm attempting to make for The Best Third Birthday Party Ever, Violet and I came across a huge bin of animals and people- tiny things, the perfect size and shape for a little hand. She was immediately intrigued, and started rummaging through, naming them and dismissing them.

"Turtle?" toss the turtle back.

"Doggy?" toss the dog back.

"Sea Otter?" toss the sea otter back.

On and on. Finally, she found this black horse next to a macabre pirate-lady who fits perfectly on the horse's back (I mean- aren't all pirate women equestrians?).

LOVE.

The pirate lady has a long sword and TWO huge guns in her hands. But,

LOVE.

She loves this bizarre pirate-lady; plops her on the horse and gallops them through the air yelling, "Giddyap! Giddyap!"

My girl doesn't like princesses or baby dolls. She likes pirate-ladies with horrible weaponry.

And for me, that's

LOVE.


and now, one small HAPPINESS....

Oliver is obsessed with this song.
He and I dance to it over and over every night after baths, and he tells me what a good dancer I am! We sing it very loudly together.

Here are the actual lyrics:

Life is a highway, I want to ride it

all night long....

Here's what Ollie sings:

Life in a highway, I ride it

all I know....

Can't believe my boy has me listening to Rascal Flatts! Of course, it reminds me of being three and making my parents play this song about 500 times because I loved singing and dancing to it.

Ollie brings me such JOY. Truly, I am such a lucky mommy with both of my sweet little ones.